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Okay, so, the World Cheese Awards happened in Switzerland. Cool. More than 5,200 cheeses. Fine. But did you read the descriptions?
“Stinky socks” and “sick dog”? Seriously?
The Sensory Assault is Real
I mean, come on. "Sensory overload" is putting it mildly. This ain't your local supermarket cheese aisle. This is some next-level, nose-wrinkling, possibly vomit-inducing cheese experience. And honestly, that’s what I'm here for. I'm tired of vanilla. Give me the funk.
John Farrand, some managing director guy, is quoted as saying people who "don't like cheese, it's that awful smelly thing" just need to broaden their horizons. Easy for him to say, he probably has a hazmat suit made of Gruyere.
But he's right, isn't he? We’re so used to sanitized, pasteurized, homogenized everything that we forget what real food actually smells—and tastes—like. My grandma used to make this fermented cabbage dish that would clear a room. It was disgusting. It was also incredible.
And "stinky" doesn't necessarily mean "bad," offcourse. The article mentions Époisses de Bourgogne, that notoriously pungent cheese that's supposedly banned from public transport in France. Banned! Now that's a cheese I want to try.
Judges and Journalists: A Tale of Two Noses
The whole judging setup sounds borderline insane. Judges in yellow aprons, a security perimeter, journalists allowed only to smell, not taste? What is this, a cheese-themed Area 51?
"Journalists were allowed into the area only under escort, and were only allowed to view and smell the cheeses—not taste or even touch them."
Give me a break. So, they’re basically teasing them? "Here's the forbidden fruit, you can get a whiff, but no touching!" That’s just cruel.
And the judging criteria? Aroma, body, texture, flavor, "mouthfeel." Mouthfeel? Seriously? Is that even a real word? But I guess when you're dealing with 5,200 cheeses, you need to get granular.
I wonder, though, how much of it is just… subjective? Like, Paul Thomas, this cheesemaker from Germany, tasted some blue cheese with cherries and said it had a "slightly off flavor toward the back of the tongue." Okay, Paul. Maybe you just need a breath mint.
The Swiss Win, Because Of Course They Do
And the winner? Some "spezial" Gruyere from Switzerland. Shocker. It's like the Olympics of cheese and the Swiss team has a home-field advantage. More than 5,200 cheeses compete at the World Cheese Awards in Switzerland.
Raw cow’s milk, drained overnight, dry salted, matured for 18 months… Sounds like a lot of work.
But hey, at least a cheese from France got the runner-up spot. And there were finalists from Britain, Japan, the Netherlands, Slovakia, and even the United States. So, it wasn't a complete Swiss sweep.
This Charlie Turnbull guy described some cheese as smelling like "boys' trainers when they're about 15 years old." I mean, who thinks of that? And who admits it? But I kinda respect the honesty.
So, What's the Real Story?
Look, I ain't a cheese connoisseur. I don't know my Appenzeller from my Emmentaler. But this whole thing sounds like a glorious, stinky, over-the-top celebration of something real. And in a world of processed garbage, that's something to celebrate. Even if it smells like a sick dog.